Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
NoShamevember. You game?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
