I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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