And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
