somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
