Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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