I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
