I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
