IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
