I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
