I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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