Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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