I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!