you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.