respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
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Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
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U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.