My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny