How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.