need another drink. this is the easiest way
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED