We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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