I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
