Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
