Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize