How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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