I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
