I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
