yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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