He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
