dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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