i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
