i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
