Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
as a side note pls kill me
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
