The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hello my rib-scented angel!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
