Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Randomize
