i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
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You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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