Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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