my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
