So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
