my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she smelled like a LAN party
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
