I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She needs sedatives and a leash
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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