Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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