If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
