At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
