Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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