He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
