Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You can't special order awesome
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
