I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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