i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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