I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I AM VODKA MAN
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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