You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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