found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the condom got lost in my hair
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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