So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
