Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
