He asked me if I "almost moaned"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
