I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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