I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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