I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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