she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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