i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She's the barista slut.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
