I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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