Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
