Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize