Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
