I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
