I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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