highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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