waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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