I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
