god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
