I don't usually arrange sex via text message
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
