I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
