My hand turned me down
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This is the high leading the old right now
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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