Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
