I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So much Jack, so little girl.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
