During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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