I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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