Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
