I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
