She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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