Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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