You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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