i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
