I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
