I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
