He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
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the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
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I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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