remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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