so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
