I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He? As in you personified your dick?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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