THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
