Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I love you. Go after that dick
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
