I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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