Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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