I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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